'Tis the holiday season...time for peace, laughter, and shooting pepper spray into a crowd in order to snatch up an XBox. In the spirit of the season, I wanted to share some amazing cyber deals for writers:
Are your first drafts dreary?
Want to morph from Mediocre to Mama Mia?!
Look no further!
Buy our Better First Drafts software for the low price of $399
For an additional $699 you'll receive an upgrade to
Perfect First Drafts
(Perfect first drafts are not typical, and cannot be guaranteed)
Success in a Box!
Need an agent? No problem!
Want a book deal? Whatever!
Spot on the bestseller list? It's yours!
Movie deal? Do we look like amateurs?
All this for the low price of 12 easy payments of $999
Buy Success in a Box today, and your publishing dreams will come true!
(Happiness sold separately)
Anti-Rejection Pixie Dust
Never again cringe when you open an email
Never again hurl your laptop against the wall
Writers, you too could be rejection-free with just one sprinkle of our magic pixie dust
Only $299, plus shipping and handling
But wait, there's more!
Order within the next 15 minutes and receive a free sampling of
Great Grammar Goo
(Pixie dust and Grammar Goo cause damage to keyboards. Use at your own risk)
Feeling Generous?
Sign up your writer buddy for the "Good News of the Month Club"
On the first of each month, your wonderful writing friend can receive an acceptance letter, a call from a literary agent, or a contract from a publishing house!
Don't miss out on this limited offer! Order today!
(All calls are recorded, acceptance letters are fake, and contracts are non-binding)
So what do you say, writers? Are you ready to whip out that credit card and fill it up with these amazing cyber deals? Are there any other writerly wishes on your list? (These deals are not real, although credit card numbers are accepted...just kidding--not really--yes, I am)