Our Number One Fear in Life

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I read an interesting article in Oprah Magazine. Dr. Phil wrote a piece on how we humans share one of the biggest fears in life: the fear of rejection.

He wrote that we all long to be accepted, and "We are at the pinnacle of life when we feel involved in the world, whether that means being part of a couple, a family, or a group of friends or colleagues. We want to belong."

Before I took writing seriously, I never really thought about the fear of rejection. But it was there. Fear of going on that job interview, knowing there was a possibility they'd choose someone else. Fear of submitting that offer on a piece of property, knowing the seller might laugh at our numbers. Even way back in high school, I remember that fear of walking up to a group, hoping they'd include me. (Heck, I still feel that fear in social situations)

But now? As a writer? Fear of rejection is ingrained into my daily life. It would be so nice if everything we wrote was loved by everyone. But no matter where we are in our publishing journeys, we'll always feel the fear of rejection.

• The new author fears she doesn't have what it takes. She fears her skills will never be good enough.
• The agented author fears her agent will not be able to sell her work. She fears that all the hard work to snag the agent was for naught.
• The indie author fears her work will disappear among the digital shelves. She fears the gatekeepers were right.
• The debut author fears her sparkling new book will fall flat. She fears low sales will stall a budding career.
• The experienced, bestselling author fears she was a one hit or two hit wonder. She fears she'll never unearth that magic again.

Dr. Phil pointed out that successful people around the globe still fear rejection, but they don't let it hold them back. They take baby steps forward or leap with their eyes closed, despite that fear of rejection.

That's what I struggle with every single day. Feeling that fear of rejection, yet taking that leap anyway.

How about you, writers? Do you let the fear of rejection hold you back? Or do you take giant leaps anyway? Please share!

Lacking Confidence?

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I'm in the final stages of prepping my manuscript to be beta read by my trusted writing buddies. My friends know the basic premise of the story, because they've helped me with the query. But the actual manuscript has not been seen by anyone but me.

Guess what I'm lacking? Confidence.

You know that feeling, right? That feeling of fear just before you send that newborn story to have it critiqued. It's a scary step in the publishing process--but absolutely necessary.

*Deep breaths*

When I'm feeling insecure, I like to search for inspiration. Here are some share-worthy quotes about confidence:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. --Attributed to Hanoch McCarty

We have to learn to be our own best friends, because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. --Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. --W.C. Fields

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right. --Henry Ford

I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down. --Allen H. Neuharth

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. --Vincent Van Gogh

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. --Wendy Wasserstein

A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort. --Sydney Smith

Friends, do you suffer from lack of confidence when someone else reads your work? Does fear prevent you from sending it out? Did these quotes give you the confidence to send it out anyway? Please share!

Crutch Words that Weaken Our Prose

Are there certain words that you use too much? When you Wordle, does suddenly suddenly appear huge and dead center?

We all have our crutch words. The dictionary describes a crutch as "a thing used for support or reassurance." For me, crutch words are the easiest to find in my vocabulary when I'm writing a first draft. Nothing wrong with that.

But as we progress through drafts, we should trim as many crutch words as possible. I have a running list of words that weaken my writing. It's not that these words are never okay, it's just that they sometimes add unnecessary fat, and can usually be replaced with stronger words. When I run a search for these words, I spot areas in the manuscript that need tightening or clarification.

Here's a list that I've compiled, using multiple sources:

about
actually
almost
approximately
barely
basically
beginning
believe/believed
completely
down
eventually
feel/feeling/felt
however
imagine/imagined
just
kind of
knew/know
little
look/looked
mostly
much
nearly
only
practically
pretty
rather
realize/realized
really
remember/remembered
saw/see
seem/seemed
slightly
somewhat
sort of
stuff
suddenly
thing
think/thought
tried
understand

I usually weed out crutch words after beta reads, but before the professional edit. This time around, I'm doing it before the beta reads. That way my trusted readers don't have to suffer through reading "look" three times in the same paragraph.

Tell me, writers, what are your crutch words? Any I need to add to my list? At what point in the process do you search for weak words? Please share!

Chasing Perfection #IWSG

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I recently heard a message about expecting perfection. Perhaps we strive for the perfect Christmas, with flawless family photos and a Martha-Stewart-worthy table setting. Or maybe it's the perfect garden (*sigh*-- hubby and I are unintentional tree killers), or even the perfect hair day (*snort* -- don't get me started).

As writers, we're often searching for the perfect word. And when we find it? Euphoria. It's so worth the effort.

I think chasing perfection is a good thing, as long as it doesn't stop forward movement. Searching for the perfect word is great, as long as it doesn't prevent us from writing the next word, and then the next paragraph. And when editing an entire manuscript, I think chasing perfection works in our favor, as long as the fear of imperfection doesn't paralyze us.

I recently read a brand new book. It was traditionally published by a big house, and hot off the presses. Guess what? I found two typos. No matter how many eyes scanned that book, and no matter how skilled the editors were, the book was not perfect. No book ever will be.

So here's my attitude: chase perfection, but don't be stymied by it. Realize that no matter what, it will never, ever, EVER be perfect. We can't catch something that doesn't exist.

What's your view on chasing perfection? Are you sometimes paralyzed by fear of imperfection? How do you handle it?