Saturday, December 10, 2011

Act Now! Cyber Deals for Writers!

'Tis the holiday season...time for peace, laughter, and shooting pepper spray into a crowd in order to snatch up an XBox. In the spirit of the season, I wanted to share some amazing cyber deals for writers:

Are your first drafts dreary?
Want to morph from Mediocre to Mama Mia?!
Look no further!
Buy our Better First Drafts software for the low price of $399
For an additional $699 you'll receive an upgrade to
Perfect First Drafts
(Perfect first drafts are not typical, and cannot be guaranteed)

Success in a Box!
Need an agent? No problem!
Want a book deal? Whatever!
Spot on the bestseller list? It's yours!
Movie deal? Do we look like amateurs?
All this for the low price of 12 easy payments of $999
Buy Success in a Box today, and your publishing dreams will come true!
(Happiness sold separately)

Anti-Rejection Pixie Dust
Never again cringe when you open an email
Never again hurl your laptop against the wall
Writers, you too could be rejection-free with just one sprinkle of our magic pixie dust
Only $299, plus shipping and handling
But wait, there's more!
Order within the next 15 minutes and receive a free sampling of
Great Grammar Goo
(Pixie dust and Grammar Goo cause damage to keyboards. Use at your own risk)

Feeling Generous?
Sign up your writer buddy for the "Good News of the Month Club"
On the first of each month, your wonderful writing friend can receive an acceptance letter, a call from a literary agent, or a contract from a publishing house!
Don't miss out on this limited offer! Order today!
(All calls are recorded, acceptance letters are fake, and contracts are non-binding)

So what do you say, writers? Are you ready to whip out that credit card and fill it up with these amazing cyber deals? Are there any other writerly wishes on your list? (These deals are not real, although credit card numbers are accepted...just kidding--not really--yes, I am)


  1. Thanks for the chuckle this morning. Think I'll pass on the cyber goo.

  2. I'll sign up for a dozen 'Good news of the month club' offers :-)

  3. I love your disclaimers/fine print! LOL. Thanks for the smile, but if ONLY it were true!!!

  4. Can I have the Success in a Box gift wrapped, please? Thanks! (also, thanks for making me laugh)

  5. I am totally posting this as my wish list for Christmas! hehehe

  6. LOL! Thanks guys. Guess I was feeling a little loopy :D

  7. I better update my Christmas letter to Santa. . . ;)

  8. Very creative, Julie! Sounds like you've hit everything on the wish list!

  9. What fun! Love your sense of humor, Julie! Hey, I'll take one of each!

  10. I love it. The legal jargon is the best part. (Though isn't it always the part that makes you laugh in junk mail?)

    Do you have any deals or coupons for WriterTime? I could really use a bottle of "10k Words Per Day"!

  11. Julie, you tease! ;) That was pretty funny.

  12. Love this, Julie! I'm putting all of it in my letter to Santa! Hahaha. :)

  13. Thanks for the Saturday morning humor, Julie. Underneath that intelligent exterior lurks a "funny girl!"

  14. Sounds a little bit like the offers some companies are trying pass off to writers. That's the sad part!

  15. Oh if only it were this simple, huh? :)

    Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

  16. This is a crack up! Send it to SCBWI for the magazine!

  17. Hehehehe, WOW this is like, all i could possibly ask for. My credit card needs to recover from the other batterings it's taken lately, bUT i will be right back here once my balance is back to $0. hehehe

  18. Love it. I'll take the grammar goo! Heaven knows I need all the help I can get.

  19. Julie, I read this post yesterday afternoon on my trusty iPhone while sitting in the car, while we were in between stores, doing our Christmas shopping. So hilarious! Cracked me up!


  20. Thank you for the smile this beautiful Sunday morning. I may be a little behind, but it is always a pleasure!!!

  21. No wonder I don't have a bestseller. I'm not using these fabulous products. Thanks for the redirection. I can hear those royalty checks dropping into my mailbox now.

  22. Do we really need all these? I'm sure it's way above my affordability!

  23. Oh funny - Please send some anti-rejection pixie dust. Does it come in purple sparkles? ;)

  24. I'll take 10 of each, please! I got my limit raised on my credit, so I'm ready to charge away. Better make that an even dozen. I got lots of friends! ;-D

  25. Funny! But with this economic situation?

  26. I'd sign up for everything until I'm broke. ;)

  27. Okay, I saw the title and then skimmed down to "only 12 easy payments of $999" and my jaw dropped thinking what kind of cyber deal is that?

    hahahahaha I'm so gullible. The good news is that I figured it out before leaving any clueless comments. ;)

  28. Oh, if only these were real! Not that I could afford them if they were. Ha.