Study Writing Until We "Get It"

My mom has always been sort of a "baby whisperer." She has a way about her that comforts a fussy baby or an antsy toddler. I wish I'd written down all the little nuggets of advice she dispensed while my kids were smaller.

Disclaimer: I know that parenting styles differ. A lot. And there's more than one way to raise a child.

One piece of my mom's advice stood out. When my first son was little, and I didn't want him to do something, I'd tell him no. He'd try to do it again, and my mom reminded me to remind him again. After several reminders, I was frustrated and asked my mom, "How many times do I need to teach him?"

Her answer? "Until he gets it."

Stay strong, be firm but gentle, and don't give in. Choosing our battles comes into play here, too, but that's another subject.

"Until he gets it." That little piece of gold has helped me through all stages of parenthood, even as we're deep in the teen years. How many times did I teach which letters made which sounds? Until he got it. How many times did I teach him to be a good friend, even when others weren't? Until he got it.

That same piece of advice could be helpful for writers.

• How often should we learn about plot? Until we get it.
• How often should we learn about character? Until we get it.
• How often should we write new material? Until we get it.
• How often should we refill our creative wells? Until we get it.
• How long should we pursue our publishing goals? Until we reach them.

And when we finally "get it?" We keep going, because there's always something to learn, and many ways to improve.

What's your opinion of the "until he gets it" advice? If you're a parent, what's the most valuable piece of advice you received? As a writer, what's the best piece of advice someone gave you?

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Seize the Mommy Moment

One super busy summer day, I had two hours to work on my manuscript. Two. Whole. Hours. I set up my novel Bible, opened my laptop, and cracked my knuckles. This was the moment when I'd transcribe my chicken scratch notes to my document.

But then...twelve-year-old son tapped me on the shoulder. "Mom, wanna play Mexican Train with me?"

My sons know how seriously I take writing. They tease me about it all the time. And I knew at that moment all I had to say was, "Not now. Maybe later." He would've asked one of his brothers, or he would've found something else to do. I came *this close* to brushing him off.

In that moment, the golden scales of Parenthood teetered in my brain. Which loss would be worse? Not working on my manuscript, or not seizing a moment with my son? We all know the answer.

I closed my laptop, cleared the kitchen table, and played Mexican Train for the next hour. And guess what? My manuscript was still there, waiting for me. The writing world did not come to a complete stop because I played a game with my son.

Writing is important. Super important. But so is parenting--no other responsibility carries more weight. So I'll stop and play Mexican Train whenever my son wants me to. The special people in our lives deserve to know how important they are.

How do you balance relationships with writing? Do you ever feel guilty for paying more attention to one over the other? How do you juggle it all?

If you have a few minutes, take a moment and watch "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney. I dare you not to cry.



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Letting Go

Creativity can be described as letting go of certainties

- Gail Sheehy

Letting go isn't easy.

Lately, my husband has been teaching our oldest son to drive. I won’t mention my son’s age, in case social services reads my blog. We live on several acres, so the closest things we could crash in to are cottonwood trees and a horse corral.

Last week it was my turn to take our son. While he slowly drove around our property, my hand “rested” near the emergency brake. While we calmly talked about ordinary things, my heart raced. But you know what? My son did great. He was cautious, curious, and respectful of the machine he was driving.

While sitting in that passenger seat, I realized it’s not easy for me to let go. It could be a control thing, it could be a fear of the unknown, I don’t know for sure. But in my mommy life, and in my writing life, I’m learning that letting go is part of the process.

When writers finish a manuscript, we must give it a goodbye kiss and send it on its way. How will my baby survive in the real world? What will other people think? Simply put, there are many things in life we can’t control.

With parenting, and with writing, we can only do our best and let go of the certainties.