Irrational Fears #IWSG

Welcome, Insecure Writer's Support Group!

Do you have fears? Would someone else say your fears are irrational? Sometimes we can recognize that our own fears don't make sense. Like, when I was young and had Shaun Cassidy's album on display (showing my age) I feared he was watching me. Totally irrational.

But what if we have real fears--situations that truly scare us--but most people think they're irrational? How do we reconcile reality vs. perception?

For instance, I have a real fear of writing conferences. Is it the large group of people? After all, I have no problem going to a concert in the park or a football game. But lots of writers in a ginormous setting? Scary as heck for me.

Maybe it's the "club" vibe. Like, everyone is in the exclusive club and I'm on the outside trying to gain membership. Silly, I know, because SCBWI is an open and warm environment where everyone is welcomed and appreciated.

Last weekend was the annual SCBWI summer conference. Like last year, I didn't register for the event. I live within driving distance, so I buzzed down for my agency cocktail party and also had dinner with my lovely friend, Leslie Rose. Leslie introduced me to other super sweet writers, and I realized they weren't clubbish at all.

So...reality vs. perception? I need to get it through my thick head that this crowd of people isn't scary. This isn't a shi shi club I need to worm my way into. I'm a part of it already...everyone is. I can be a bit thickheaded, even slow when it comes to overcoming irrational fears. But I'm working on it. I promise. Even if Shaun Cassidy's watching me.

Here are a few quotes that help me when I'm feeling fearful:

"Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them." -- Brendan Francis

"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them." -- Andre Gide

"To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another." -- Katherine Paterson, Jacob Have I Loved

Have you attended a writer's conference? Are you comfortable with them? Inspired? Do you have other fears that may seem irrational?

(Me and my super sweet agent, Karen Grencik)

(Those super sweet writers: Leslie Rose, Monica Bustamonte Wagner, Evelyn Ehrlich, and Anna Shinoda)

Shy Writers & Approachable Agents

(Karen Grencik on the left, me on the right)

As most kid lit authors know, last weekend was SCBWI's annual summer conference in Los Angeles. I wasn't registered, but my agent, the lovely Karen Grencik of Red Fox Literary, was there. She hosted a gathering in her room on Saturday night for Red Fox clients and other kid lit folks. Since I live only 45 minutes away, I drove down to meet her. We've talked on the phone and through emails, but I've never met her in person.

Enter Freak Out Mode. I was totally nervous. Not so much about meeting Karen, because anyone who's met her knows how approachable, kind, warm, and generous she is. I'm never afraid to email her or ask a stupid question. No, I was nervous about the little party.

When my family and close friends read this, they'll spit out their coffee in laughter. Once you know me well, you can't shut me up. Just ask my husband. But put me in a social situation where I don't know a soul, and I'm like matchy matchy curtains that blend into walls. Those awkward teens I write about? I can totally relate to them. (btw, I avoided parties in high school, too)

I managed to speak to some wonderful people, and enjoyed my time with Karen. But I'll share a secret with you: when I left the hotel, I was relieved. Big crowds, strangers, talking on cue--all of that leaves me shaking in my flip flops. Everyone says this conference is wonderful, but to me, it's overwhelming and scary. Maybe someday I'll conquer this pesky fear.

But you know what? Reclusive writers aren't the only people who get butterflies. Remember my amazing agent? She wrote this great post: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED--A Dog-Loving Introverted Homebody Scales Mt. McKinley! Her title alone summed up my own fears. Agents are human. They have their own hopes and dreams. And yes, they get nervous, too.

Thankfully there have been plenty of reclusive writers who've managed to do just fine. And these days, writers have the benefits of social media. We meet behind a screen, where we don't have to fake-smile and say something witty on the fly. We aren't having conversations where one of us looks bored and makes excuses to talk to someone else. These are real social fears, and for me, these fears are erased with blogging, tweeting, and connecting on Facebook.

Do I wish I could walk into a room and command an audience? Sure! Will that ever happen? Um, probably not. But it helps to know I'm not alone in this. Approachable agents--and I'm sure editors and multi-published authors, too--sometimes experience the same fears we feel. I find comfort in that.

Tell me, are you the type who breezes into a social situation and feels no fear? Are you witty in person and on the page? (If so, I'm green with envy) Are you like me, and freak out at the mere thought of standing in a room full of strangers? How do you cope? 

Were you there last weekend, and one of the people I was terrified of? Do tell!

Rejoice in your voice!

When I hear a recorded version of my voice, I hate it. It sounds weird, and I immediately clear my throat trying to make it better. But my voice is my voice, and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m sure my husband would love to hear less of it, but that’s another story.

I attended an SCBWI writer’s day this past Saturday. Libba Bray was one of the amazing speakers. One thing she said stuck with me, and I’ll paraphrase: “Your voice is unique. No one else can write the way YOU write.”

I’m always admiring other writers. When I read a novel by Jodi Picoult, I marvel at her ability. Her voice draws me in. Her books make me think long and hard about previously held opinions. I wish I had her voice, but I don’t.

Instead, I have my own voice. When I speak, I might sound like one of the annoying crows that lands on my grass. But when I write, my voice is truly my own. Although I’m amazed by other writer's voices, I realize I can’t try to be like them. I've learned to rejoice in my own voice!