When Words Aren't Enough

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Sometimes words aren't enough. Even for a writer.

My family spent the past weekend at a sports camp for burn survivors and their families. You see, my fifteen year old son is a burn survivor himself. Once you're treated at the Grossman Burn Center, you're a part of their family.

In the early days after my son's burn, I used to hide our invitation to burn camp. My reasons were entirely selfish. I didn't want to spend time with other burn survivors and their families--my son's physical wounds, and my mommy guilt wounds--were way too fresh.

Once my sons were older, I finally shared the invitation with them. Of course they were all over it, and now look forward to burn camp each year.

Funny thing is? I also look forward to it now. Spending time with other burn survivors and their families is the real joy of burn camp.

While at camp, I experienced such gratitude. I'm thankful for the other survivors and their families, who share the unique issues that burn survivors go through. I appreciate that kids and adults alike can walk around with their scars fully exposed, and know that they'll be accepted. I appreciate the open mic sessions after meals, where folks stand up and share how they were burned, and how burn camp has helped them heal.

During the weekend, I often thought about how I could write what camp meant to me, and what the fellowship with other families meant to our family. But the harder I tried to put it into words, the more frustrated I became. Because really, sometimes words aren't enough.

Instead, I set aside my writer brain and simply basked in the emotional journey of burn camp. I stopped trying to find the right words to express what it meant to me, and simply soaked it all in--the healing, the safety, the scars that no one paid attention to.

Here's what I'm learning: sometimes it's therapeutic to write about whatever junk we're going through. I even wrote a post about Writing Through Painful Memories. But sometimes it's ok to just revel in the moment and not be a writer.

What say you, writer friends? Do you ever have moments you've tried to put into words and can't? Do you ever set the writer brain aside and just live in the moment? What moments had such an impact on you? Please share!

You're the Star of Your Publishing Movie

Quick note! I guest posted over at Adventures in YA Publishing about Creative Stage vs. Analytical Stage. Come check it out and say Hi!

Now on with the regular post...

Imagine this: You're watching a movie. You yawn because everything is going the main character's way. She never experiences conflict. She doesn't encounter a villain or a personal obstacle. She never makes mistakes, and the ending is predictably happy.

Boring!

Now, imagine this: You're watching a fabulous movie, gasping at the twists, biting your nails when the main character is in a pickle, laughing at the goofy choices she makes, and clapping as the final credits roll.

Better, right? Except when that movie is about our own publishing journey. We'd like to do without the twists, pickles, and goofy choices, thank you very much.

But what if you knew the ending to your publishing movie? What if you knew that the main character--YOU--would victoriously conquer the story goals? Would you have less anxiety? Would you worry less? Would you calmly move from one scene to the next, knowing it would be okay?

I'm here to tell you it'll be okay. How do I know? Because your story isn't over yet. When you encounter frustration in your own publishing movie, try this:

Embrace the Ups and Downs

Each rejection may seem like an obstacle, but it's really a stepping stone. Each request for a partial or full, or each yes from an editor or agent, is a stepping stone as well. Embrace them. They're all part of the journey.

Do What Your Character Would Do

Do you want your main character to snivel? Hide? Back down against the slightest push back? No! you want her to figure out a solution. You want her to fight back. You want her to conquer fears. You want her to learn from her mistakes and then get out there and make fresh mistakes.

Be a comeback kid

In movies, and in books, there's usually an "all is lost" moment. Perhaps you've had one or more of those moments in your own publishing journey. But remember this: usually that "all is lost" moment is right before the character triumphs. Get back up again. Come back strong. All is NOT lost. Your story is not yet over.

Movies with zero conflict are boring. Your publishing movie is not boring at all. When you reach the conclusion, you'll be satisfied because it didn't come easily. You fought against obstacles and internal villains, and wrote your own happy ending.

Have you ever considered your publishing journey as your own personal movie, with you as the main character? Are you the kick-bootie lead? Are you glad your movie is full of twists and turns, or do you wish your path was a little straighter?

Inspiration for Writers (and Graduates!)

Last week we learned that our son was Salutatorian of his 8th grade class. Pretty darn cool. We also learned he had to write a speech over the weekend.

He wanted to write his own speech, which I totally respected. I did help with editing, and with finding inspirational quotes for him to work with. As I read these quotes, I realized they not only applied to business folks, graduates, and life, they applied to writers as well.

I hope they inspire you as much as they inspired us!

I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -- Michael Jordan

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -- Mark Twain

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is. -- Vince Lombardi

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. -- Henry Ford

Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear. -- George Addair

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. -- Steve Jobs

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything You gave me. -- Erma Bombeck

Which quotes did my son choose? Um, none of these. He chose the wise words of Spongebob Squarepants and Hannah Montana. After all, he's fourteen.

Have you ever written a graduation speech? Did these quotes spark something within you? Any cool quotes you'd like to share?

My Five Happy Ways

Morgan Shamy, my agency sister and all around inspirational person, tagged me in her "My Five Happy Ways" post. I love this idea, so I decided to participate.

The rules?

Shout out to the person who tagged me
List my five happy ways
Tag five more

My shout out to Morgan...she always has a kind word to say, and looks at the bright side of things. Her blog posts inspire me. Morgan's perseverance and positive attitude will bring success, no doubt about it!

My Five Happy Ways:

(I'll copy Morgan and Mark Koopmans and point out that my spouse and family automatically trump everything)

1. Books and water--Sounds like a soggy mess, right? Sometimes. I love sitting on the beach, warm sand beneath me, water lapping at my toes, reading a book. Or I can be lakeside, reading my book, as the occasional ski boat passes by. Or I can be lounging by the pool or floating on a raft, reading a book. Either way, this is one of my favorite forms of relaxation.

2. Silver linings--Life is full of dramatic peaks and valleys. When we're in the valleys, it's sometimes tough to remember the peaks. But I'm a firm believer that there's always a silver lining. If we try hard enough, we can find something to be thankful for.

3. Social media--For me, social media is like school with a super long recess. So many opportunities to learn, while also having fun. In real life, when meeting new people, I'm not always the most outgoing person. It takes a while for someone to really get to know me. With social media, it gives me a little more confidence to be myself and not worry so much. I've met most of you this way, and I'm so thankful.

4. Sing along songs--If there was a camera in our car while my family's on the road, you'd crack up. We play our favorite songs and sing our hearts out. We even have little dance moves that we sometimes manage to do within the confines of a small car. My sons are master DJs, and take turns picking songs. We may not sound great, but boy, do we have fun.

5. Birthdays--Ever since I was little, my family has made birthdays a special celebration. That carries on even today. I don't frown at the rising number each time I have a birthday. Instead, I'm thankful I was blessed with another year with the wonderful people around me. I seriously don't even care about receiving presents, because each birthday is a gift.

(Speaking of birthdays...a special shout out to my sister Joyce, who's celebrating her birthday today!)

Who will I tag? ALL of you! Why stop short at five? If you write a five happy ways post, I'd love to know about it so I can stop by and learn more about you.

Better yet, I'd love it if you listed YOUR five happy ways in the comments.

What made you happy today? Please share!

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Slay The Doubt Monster?

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." -- William Shakespeare


Welcome, Insecure Writer's Support Group!

Do you ever doubt your talent?

Me, too.


Recently, I was asked to be a guest judge for a contest over at Adventures in YA & Children's Publishing. (Awesome blog, by the way, in case you haven't visited yet)

I didn't jump at the chance and write the organizers back immediately. Why? Not because I didn't want to offer any help I could to other writers. No, I doubted my ability. I even wrote Martina back saying yes, I'd be happy to help, although I don't consider myself a strong enough writer to offer critiques. After all, I have so much to learn myself.

When I mentioned this to my super supportive hubby, this conversation followed:

Hubby: "Why aren't you qualified?"
Me: "Well, there are a lot of better writers than me."
Hubby: *feins shock* *both hands to his face, Home Alone style* *super sarcastic voice*  "Why are other writers better? Because they have books out?"
Me: *sheepishly* "Yes, but..."
Hubby: *rudely interrupts* "You mean...like Arnold Schwarzenegger? Snooki? The Kardashians? They must all be better writers than you, because they have books out." 

Okay, okay, I got his point.

Something we tend to forget is that even experienced, multi-published writers doubt themselves and their abilities. It's normal. Tennessee Williams once said, "I don't believe anyone ever suspects how completely unsure I am of my work and myself and what tortures and self-doubting the doubt of others has always given me."

Huh.

If we're doubtful, maybe it's partly a good thing. It makes us try harder. As Robert Hughes said, "The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize."

Ouch.

Let's embrace our doubting inner selves and still be creative, shall we?

Tell me, do you doubt your writing abilities on a regular basis? How do you push past it and remain creative?

Instructions For Life

My family spent the weekend in Mammoth Lakes, CA a little while ago, and the following message was hung on the wall in our rented condo. I hope you enjoy it.

Life's Little Instructions

(credit H. Jackson Brown)

• Every so often push your luck
• Never underestimate the power of a kind word or deed
• Never give up on anybody--miracles happen every day
• Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know
• Learn to listen
• Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures
• Don't expect others to listen to your advice and ignore your example
• Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly
• Leave everything a little better than you found it
• Don't forget--a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated
• Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them
• Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated
• Make new friends but cherish the old ones
• Don't use time or words carelessly--neither can be retrieved
• Judge your success by the degree that you're enjoying peace, health, and love
• Smile a lot--it costs nothing and is beyond price

I don't know about you, but sometimes I sweat the small stuff in life. It's nice to be reminded of these little instructions.

Have you seen these instructions before? Do you sometimes need to be reminded to appreciate the little things in life? 

Need Inspiration Today?

A young boy in Ohio ran one of the most inspirational races I've ever seen. He has spastic cerebral palsy, and could've sat out the race. But he didn't. If you haven't viewed this yet, and if you have a couple of minutes, I encourage you to watch this video...you won't regret it. (Read the full story here.)




Matt totally inspired me. You know who else inspired me? His classmates, who ran alongside him, cheering him on as he crossed the finish line. It reminded me that we don't have to finish first, or even finish the strongest. We need to enjoy our own journey, and cross our own finish lines the best that we can.

Need more encouragement and inspiration today? Check out these quotes:

"The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be." -- Horace Bushnell


"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened." -- Helen Keller


"Motivation is everything. You can do the work of two people, but you can't be two people. Instead, you have to inspire the next guy down the line and get him to inspire his people." -- Lee Iacocca


"Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us." -- Samuel Smiles


"When the best things are not possible, the best may be made of those that are." -- Richard Hooker


If you watched the video, did you need a tissue? And who or what has inspired you lately? Please share!

Who's packing your parachute?

I'm fascinated by the story of Captain Charles Plumb, a Navy fighter pilot who was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam war. He tells how he was approached by a man in a restaurant.

The man said, "You flew jet fighters in Vietnam. You were on the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down. You parachuted into enemy hands and spent six years as a prisoner of war."

Captain Plumb responded, "How in the world did you know all that?"

"Because I packed your parachute."


Amazing, huh? If the parachute hadn't been packed correctly, Plumb's story would've ended differently.

Captain Plumb says: "So the philosophical question is this: How's your parachute packing coming along? Who looks to you for strength in times of need? And perhaps, more importantly, who are the special people in your life who provide you the encouragement you need when the chips are down? Perhaps it's time right now to give those people a call and thank them for packing your chute."


When I think about our writing lives, and who's packing our parachutes, these amazing folks come to mind:

Supportive Family & Friends--In my opinion, if your family and friends are supportive of your writing efforts,  you've already won half the battle. When I came out of the closet as a writer, my family and friends didn't laugh at me or roll their eyes. They didn't shoot down my dreams or trample over my confidence. Quite the contrary. They're my biggest cheerleaders, and I'm grateful for every single one of them.

Are you out of the closet as a writer? If so, how did your friends and family react when you told them?

Critique Partners--Our critique partners offer their time and energy to help make our manuscripts better. They offer pats on the back for what we do right, and constructive feedback for something that doesn't work well. They lift us up when we're feeling discouraged, and cheer with us when we achieve milestones. My critique partners have made this journey a heck of a lot of fun.

Do you belong to a critique group, or do you have beta readers? How have they inspired you?


Agents & Editors--If you're lucky enough to have an agent or editor, you've personally experienced their hard work and determination. I don't have experience with a book editor (yet!), but my agent is a tireless advocate for her clients. Karen Grencik is smart, kind, and encouraging. Even if I never sign a book deal, I'll be glad that she's in my life.

Have you worked with agents or editors? How did they improve your manuscripts?

Blogger Buddies--Blogger/writer buddies help each other with blog tours, and spread the word about book releases. They share new agent alerts, or what writing lessons they've learned. I'm constantly amazed by how awesome all of you are. I know I sound like a broken record, but seriously, you rock my world.

You guys inspire me every single day, and I'm so thankful for you.

As evidenced by the Random Act of Kindness Blitz by the wonderful gals at The Bookshelf Muse, we've seen amazing kindness from one writer to another. We value the people in our lives, those who have packed our parachutes, and it's great when we take a moment to thank them. And who knows, maybe you're packing someone else's parachute right now, and making a positive difference in their life.

Who's packed your parachute lately? Do they know how grateful you are? Please share!


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Don't quit--your future readers NEED you!

We all get discouraged. Our first drafts are birdcage-worthy, and rejections pile up. Successes rain down from the sky, and sometimes we feel like we're standing in the only dry spot. It's times like these that cause many writers to quit.

My advice? DON'T QUIT!

In my opinion, the biggest fault with quitting is that you'd be giving up on yourself. We've all heard the quote "the only difference between the published writer and the unpublished writer is perseverance."

You know who else loses if you quit? Your future readers. If they're giving up precious time and money to buy books, don't they deserve the best? Aren't they worth the scrutiny and hard work?

Imagine this:

Picture Book Authors--Your reader grabs your book from the shelf and then settles into her mom's lap. She memorizes your words, and turns the worn pages herself. She learns about friendship, family, and acceptance in a joyful way because you didn't give up.

Middle Grade Authors--Your reader struggles through an awkward time. Her body and her life are changing faster than she can register. She's still wearing braces, and she's taller than the guy she's crushing on. Her hair and clothes aren't like the other girls', and she wants nothing more than to fit in. She clings to your character like a good friend, because you didn't give up.

Young Adult Authors--Your reader stands on the creaky bridge between childhood and adulthood. She's hanging on for dear life, because drama is all around her. Family troubles plague her. At school, she feels like she's "in" one day and "out" the next, and she knows that one wrong move can ruin her reputation. She can be bullied on Facebook, and each text she sends could be forwarded to a wide audience. She'll read your book and know that she's not alone, because you didn't give up.

Adult Authors--Your reader is stressed out and needs escape. Work is crazy. Traffic on the freeway tightens the screws on her neck. Bills to pay, kids to shuttle, house to clean. When she steals a moment away, she'll sink in a bubble bath and wet the pages of your book, lost in thought. She'll drag your book to soccer practice, or listen to it on tape while commuting. Late at night, your book will rest in her lap while she waits for her teen to come home, because you didn't give up.

When times are tough, don't be discouraged, be inspired. And think of your readers. They don't want you to quit. They need you.

Do you ever get discouraged? If so, how do you handle it? And do you imagine your readers, and what they'll think of your book? If you're published, do you imagine who's reading your book, and where they're toting it around to?

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